luv life

life is just so unfair for sumbody..in certain time..for some people..in some situations..in everything u do..

i just figure out sumting in my life n i guess my discoveries about dis thing has made my luv to slowly dissapeared from me..

my life is actually ruined n destroyed because of this fella n i guess dat maybe it will become worse in the episodes of my life..

i just don't know what to do to feel him again in my life.. he's like mendiamkan diri n senyap jer.. no call, no sms..even worse, i felt like no cared anymore by him..

since from the beginning, i already accept him as he is n don't discriminate, even though anything happen to him.. i started to fall in luv.. i learned to luv tanpa balasan.. i made him special.. i treat him in his own unique class.. i luv him, more than anybody else.. i care for him, when the least don't even care.. i could do almost everything for n wif him..

but now, i just don't know.. there are so many things happen in my life.. wif sumbody that eventually destroy my future n all my dreams.. with so many things complicate my mind in the office where i refuse to talk to the certain people dat think i am their slave.. with jobs dat sumtime hesitate my steps to go further.. with sum situations that i forgot to do, forgot to make, forgot or sengaja dat slow down some process becoz there are just sumbody yang memang nak tengok i fall, i kene marah ngan boss.. sumtime i just cannot tahan all this mess.. i'm not strong.. sumtime i need sumbody dat will support my back, support my decision.. but still sumtime, the person that i really need will not be there for me..

i thought dat i dah cukup independent.. pandai bawak diri sendiri..buat hal sendiri..tak nak menyusahkan apape pun.. but i think my thoughts are wrong.. still in many ways, i still need him in my life.. especially untuk dis sum girl yang takkan kawen.. n dat's me.. lately, i hurt myself so much in so many ways n he just don't even care..

i don't know la.. he once said i am just too good for him n i deserve sumone better than him.. i tried hard.. we will not going to marry to each other n the situation is understood.. but i guess, i luv him much more than he does..

"ya Allah ya Rahim.. aku amat menyayangi hamba-Mu yang bernama najiha.. tak sanggup aku kehilangannya.. berilah aku kesempatan merasai nilai kasihnya.. rasa sayangnya.. dan keluhuran hatinya walaupun secebis cuma.. penuhilah perasaan kami dengan kejujuran.. dan kebahagiaan.. detikkan hatinya untuk menyayangiku.. dan menerimaku seadanya.."

"ya Allah.. sekiranya telah kau catatkan dia milikku.. terciptalah buatku.. dekatkanlah hatinya padaku.. satukanlah hatinya dengan hatiku.. titipkanlah kemesraan antara kami.. agar kebahagiaan itu kekal abadi.. amin.."

"abg cintakan mu syg.. pls.. u're my life.."

"bila abg balik umah.. abg ada banyak hal kat umah.. harap syg paham.. tapi percayalah.. atas nama allah, abg menyayangi dan mencintaimu najiha.. trust me.."

"abg akan sms syg dan tu bukanlah suatu permintaan yang besar.. syg ada hak pada abg.."

"i luv u too.. no one luv me like u did.. tq dear.."

"today, hari yang buat i gembira.. sebab dapat mesra dengan seorang insan yang berpangkat adik.. dia sungguh baik hatinya yang mana orang selama ini tak menghargainya.. i am sure Allah akan memberikan padanya pedoman dan ketenangan hati.. pada hari-hari mendatangnya.. doa dari seorang abg akan sentiasa berada di belakangnya.. amin.."

"setiap manusia ada salah silap sendiri.. abg tak lepas dari itu jua.. syg terlalu baik bagi abg.. u luv me.. u made my live happy actually my luv.. cuma kekadang abg je tak tau nak berterima kasih pada orang yang banyak berkorban pada diri abg.. maafkan lah abg ye syg.. abg akui kesilapan diri abg.. syg tak salah apa pun.. malah syg akan dapat manja dari abg.. i promise u that dear.. becoz u're the one that i luv.."

maybe he forgot all dis sms-es sent to me.. n i just takkan meminta apa lagi from him.. tak tau la kenapa tonite dis post is just so emo.. but there's just nobody i can talk to for everything dat i keep deep down inside my heart.. luckily ada blog n i just can tell.. he will read dis, but i don't expect anything..seriously..

i just want all this mess-up feeling to go away.. i don't care what will happen in the future anymore.. i takkan kawen, then lantak la.. all my dreams washed away by a sumbody stupid, then i serahkan to the Up Above to pay back.. tukar keje mungkin dalam masa terdekat..only if i really determine, tekad untuk melaksanakan.. go on vacation, i'll be..even if dat's mean i will be a lone ranger again to a place i'd never been..singapore perhaps..hmm..

there are so many things bercelaru in my mind rite now.. even dis post is created 12 am above will show how the need to release make me dis way.. i feel like the need for the vacation is sangat-sangat diperlukan lagi for this time being.. my stress level is increased lebih banyak if compared to the before vacation level..

i really miss my abg.. i need u so much sayang.. there's no other way to say it, but i have to admit that i really need u..lebih-lebih lagi in this time where all the problem come.. i need u from a human view, whereas from the spiritual side that i don't have to mention.. if letting me go is the best way for us, then i will do it for u dear..i will if that will make u happy n not distracted by me anymore sayang.. just some things dat u should keep in mind.. i will be there for u during ur hard times..but i will not be for u if u're happy.. i will luv u without seeking any refund for everything n every luv i gave to n for u.. ur happiness is the first thing i search for u to be comfortable in everything u do.. i will try not to burden u anymore becoz i'm not anybody n not a sumbody special enough for u.. i am so sorry, so much dear.. i miss u a lot honey..